Imposter Syndrome
What does imposter syndrome sound like for artists? Well, if you have ever said these things to yourself, you’ve probably experienced it.
- “I don’t have any real talent.”
- “If people ever saw my process, they’d realize that I’m a fraud.”
- “I can’t believe these artists are talking to me, they would totally ignore me if they knew what a hack I am.”
Imposter Syndrome, and the accompanying feelings, can be difficult to navigate. It is common and a normal experience for many artists, but it doesn’t have to control you or become a daily part of your reality.
Transcript
Hi, this is Matt Stagliano and thanks for being
Matt Stagliano:part of the artists Forge. We're a community of creatives who
Matt Stagliano:help each other think like an artist. By discussing creativity
Matt Stagliano:as a process instead of a skill or a talent. We believe everyone
Matt Stagliano:has what it takes to create something amazing. We just need
Matt Stagliano:some encouragement and inspiration along the way. What
Matt Stagliano:you're about to hear is a live recording of one of our daily
Matt Stagliano:discussions on the clubhouse app. If you like what you hear,
Matt Stagliano:I encourage you to join our private Facebook group, or visit
Matt Stagliano:us on the web at the artist forged calm. Now on to the show.
Nicole York:Good morning, and welcome to Morning walk and
Nicole York:photo talk with the artists Forge. We are continuing our
Nicole York:conversation around Ooh, sorry for the cars y'all around
Nicole York:conflict. And there goes the bus. Only this time, it's
Nicole York:internal. Right? So yesterday, we talked about what we do when
Nicole York:our environment falls out of whack. When we don't have the
Nicole York:kind of habits built that will help us get back into flow if we
Nicole York:get interrupted some of the thought patterns and processes
Nicole York:that are connected to that. And some things that we can maybe
Nicole York:try to make it not happening in the future. And today, we're
Nicole York:going to be continuing with the list of examples that our
Nicole York:friends talked about yesterday, different things we all face. So
Nicole York:today is Imposter Syndrome Day. Something that many many artists
Nicole York:deal with. And very fair to mention, as David has mentioned
Nicole York:in the past, unfortunately, he hasn't been able to be with us
Nicole York:lately. But we do need to be careful and making sure that
Nicole York:we're not self diagnosing. So as we talk about these different
Nicole York:conflicts, these different difficulties that we face as
Nicole York:artists, our internal struggles, there's so many cars that we
Nicole York:don't, that we don't diagnose ourselves or, you know, give
Nicole York:ourselves actual issues that we don't have, there's certainly a
Nicole York:percentage of difficulty in the area of imposter syndrome that
Nicole York:everybody's going to have sometimes right, a normal level
Nicole York:of anxiety about things. And that will affect us more or
Nicole York:less, depending on how we feel about the issue that we're
Nicole York:dealing with. Maybe we really get it heavily when it comes to
Nicole York:networking and dealing with other people. Maybe it's not
Nicole York:really there when it comes to art or putting ourselves out
Nicole York:there for awards. But whatever it is, we just want to be
Nicole York:careful that we're not necessarily diagnosing
Nicole York:ourselves. But that we recognize that these feelings are going to
Nicole York:show up, and they're going to be different for each of us. Some
Nicole York:people will have true imposter syndrome where no matter what
Nicole York:they do, or how qualified they are, they will never feel like
Nicole York:they have earned it like they can stand there confidently and
Nicole York:say, I am this. And everybody eventually is going to find out
Nicole York:that they're a liar. And it was all luck, and all those other
Nicole York:things. So before we get into the conversation, just recognize
Nicole York:that these feelings are going to fall all over the scale, that
Nicole York:they're going to fall all over the scale not only for us as
Nicole York:individuals as part of a group, but in different aspects of our
Nicole York:careers, from the art to the business, selling all of those
Nicole York:things. So I want to begin just by making sure for folks who
Nicole York:have never heard of imposter syndrome. This is a room full of
Nicole York:artists. So I doubt I doubt that nobody's heard of it. But just
Nicole York:in case. Imposter syndrome is basically the feeling that no
Nicole York:matter how much we succeed, no matter how many skills we have,
Nicole York:no matter how much of a knowledge base we've built, we
Nicole York:never believe that those things are actually integrated skills
Nicole York:that we deserve to have. And that eventually, at some point,
Nicole York:everybody will discover that it was all luck that it was somehow
Nicole York:an accident that we don't deserve to have the title or be
Nicole York:called the name or earn the money or have the awards or
Nicole York:whatever it is that we've got. they'll discover that we're
Nicole York:imposters and this can be really deleterious to some people's
Nicole York:ability to move forward with their art in their business. It
Nicole York:can be absolutely damning and hold them back. Or it can just
Nicole York:be something that we struggle with and have to push past on a
Nicole York:daily, weekly, monthly basis. And so we want to be able to
Nicole York:look at this today figure out how much it affects us and what
Nicole York:we can do To stop imposter syndrome, from stealing the joy
Nicole York:from our art, from us being able to move forward with ideas or
Nicole York:plans, to put ourselves out there for networking, just all
Nicole York:the things. So make sure Kat is a moderator today, too. And then
Nicole York:I just want to find out who deals with imposter syndrome.
Nicole York:Hey, artists, probably everybody a little bit, but who deals with
Nicole York:it? We'll start with a panel. Do either of you guys deal with
Nicole York:imposter syndrome? And then what do you do about it?
Matt Stagliano:I don't know if this conversation could come at
Matt Stagliano:a better time. I missed yesterday's I had missed
Matt Stagliano:yesterday's clubhouse because I had a shoot, I had a real estate
Matt Stagliano:agency coming in to my studio to do headshots and some group
Matt Stagliano:shots. This is a group that I've shot before in the past over the
Matt Stagliano:years. And we're just refreshing them for 2021 came in yesterday,
Matt Stagliano:from the moment go to the time we finished, I felt like I was a
Matt Stagliano:complete fraud. I couldn't connect to anybody. The shots
Matt Stagliano:weren't going well, the people didn't want to be there. They
Matt Stagliano:were incredibly self critical. We're not listening to anything
Matt Stagliano:that I was saying over and over and over. And this went on for a
Matt Stagliano:few hours. At the end of the shoot. Will I be able to salvage
Matt Stagliano:some shots? Yes, absolutely. Will I ever recover? I don't
Matt Stagliano:know if I'll ever recover. I came home yesterday full of self
Matt Stagliano:doubt, I'm not good at what I do. I can't connect to people
Matt Stagliano:like I think I can, they didn't have a good time, they're never
Matt Stagliano:going to love these photos, they're going to talk I'm never
Matt Stagliano:going to get another job. Yada, yada, yada. Now, that was the
Matt Stagliano:initial that was the initial feeling right. And it kind of
Matt Stagliano:spun me off axis for several hours. And then calmed down a
Matt Stagliano:little bit talk to a couple of friends was able to kind of
Matt Stagliano:quiet my mind a little bit. And I know that one bad day doesn't
Matt Stagliano:reflect on a career of good work. But man oh man, if it
Matt Stagliano:doesn't hit you right in the gut when it's happening. So yeah,
Matt Stagliano:there was it was really interesting to feel the feelings
Matt Stagliano:of imposter syndrome just bubble up, like old, faithful, and just
Matt Stagliano:wash all over me. Thankfully, because of this group, and
Matt Stagliano:because of having the conversations that I like to
Matt Stagliano:have with my friends, you realize that one incident one
Matt Stagliano:shoot doesn't define who you are as a photographer, and artist or
Matt Stagliano:anything like that. And that aberrations happen, and that
Matt Stagliano:there's a law of averages for a reason. But man, if it didn't,
Matt Stagliano:if it didn't hit me pretty hard last night, I tell you what, so
Matt Stagliano:great conversation to start with today. I would love to answer
Matt Stagliano:any questions you may have Nicole?
Nicole York:Well, that's good, because I'm gonna ask. All
Nicole York:right, so yes, I can empathize with you there. I've certainly
Nicole York:had clients where that was the case, for some reason, our
Nicole York:visions just weren't connecting. They weren't responding well,
Nicole York:they were uncomfortable, despite all my best efforts, just just
Nicole York:those times when your groove does not fall into their groove.
Nicole York:And, and it's rough, you do sit back and you question yourself.
Nicole York:And I think sometimes, that is the price of comfort zones,
Nicole York:right? Because when we've been working a certain way, in a
Nicole York:certain style for a long time, we've built up these really
Nicole York:beautiful comfort zones. And all of a sudden, somebody comes
Nicole York:along, who forces us outside our comfort zone. And then it's
Nicole York:like, Whoa, I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't like it
Nicole York:doesn't match up with anything I believe about myself. Just
Nicole York:bytes. So you said it through you for loop for a couple of
Nicole York:hours, which is totally understandable. We talked about
Nicole York:yesterday, the fact that we need to feel our feelings, so
Nicole York:important to have the time to process what's actually going
Nicole York:on. But then you said you talked to some friends, and things kind
Nicole York:of started feeling better. So what does that process look like
Nicole York:for you? What kind of conversations are you having?
Nicole York:And is there anything that you're focusing on to help pull
Nicole York:you out of that space? And remind you that even if a major
Nicole York:league baseball player strikes out, they're still pretty
Nicole York:freakin awesome at what they do.
Matt Stagliano:Yeah, I think, you know, the, the, the
Matt Stagliano:conversations that I have, most of the time, if I get to the
Matt Stagliano:point where I'm calling someone for help, it's usually because I
Matt Stagliano:need them to listen to my analysis and figure out if I'm
Matt Stagliano:crazy or not, right. So a lot of times I've already worked
Matt Stagliano:through as many of the angles As I can work through, but I need
Matt Stagliano:someone to hear me and be like, Alright, you're way off base or
Matt Stagliano:Yeah, no, I get that totally. So for me, you know, it was taken
Matt Stagliano:that beat that I've talked about before and just kind of
Matt Stagliano:breathing a little bit calming down and saying like, alright,
Matt Stagliano:let's look at this. If I weren't in my head, how would I be
Matt Stagliano:observing what was going on? And, you know, look at the
Matt Stagliano:entire situation, look at me, as a photographer, look at the
Matt Stagliano:service that I provided and the preparation that went into it,
Matt Stagliano:did I do everything that I could, so on and so forth. So
Matt Stagliano:when I when I get to talking to my friends, it becomes, alright,
Matt Stagliano:here's what I'm feeling. Is this off base? Can you tell me, you
Matt Stagliano:know, was there a part of the story that you heard that I'm,
Matt Stagliano:you know, rationalizing away? Or, you know, am I making too
Matt Stagliano:big of a deal out of this, but this is what I'm feeling. This
Matt Stagliano:is how I've analyzed it, give me your input, right. And that
Matt Stagliano:tends to help because usually, you get a big, fat dose of
Matt Stagliano:Listen, you're in your head, get out of your head, stop it. At
Matt Stagliano:least, that's how my friends treat me. And from there, it's
Matt Stagliano:like, all right, you know, you start to see things not so
Matt Stagliano:terribly, and you really get a chance to just kind of sit back
Matt Stagliano:and observe it, you know, objectively and say, you know,
Matt Stagliano:things weren't as bad as you think they are. But it's okay,
Matt Stagliano:that you felt the way that you did, it means there are ways
Matt Stagliano:that you can improve for next time. And that's the spin that I
Matt Stagliano:always put on it, what did I learn? How can I make it better
Matt Stagliano:for next time. And a lot of times, if I'm left to myself,
Matt Stagliano:and just thinking of those things, rather than talking it
Matt Stagliano:out with somebody, I'll just spin and spin and spin, the act
Matt Stagliano:of verbalizing it, and actually, having a confidant that I can
Matt Stagliano:speak to about these things that understands, really helps get,
Matt Stagliano:you know, to the end of those feelings quicker.
Nicole York:And is there anything that you look for? So I
Nicole York:know, when I'm struggling, there are certain people I will go to
Nicole York:for certain things, is there anything that you look for and
Nicole York:who you decide to confide in? For those times?
Matt Stagliano:Totally, it's for this type of stuff, it's got
Matt Stagliano:to be another artists got to be another photographer, someone
Matt Stagliano:that understands the way the brain works for business, it
Matt Stagliano:would be something different. Or someone different with a
Matt Stagliano:different set of skills. For me, my artistic friends are the go
Matt Stagliano:to for any of those kind of internal struggles, because they
Matt Stagliano:can relate, they can understand. I don't want a pity party, and I
Matt Stagliano:don't want someone to agree with me, I just need someone to
Matt Stagliano:understand. So that I don't have to describe four years of
Matt Stagliano:therapy 30 seconds. So just someone that's empathetic and
Matt Stagliano:can understand coming from the same kind of artistic point of
Matt Stagliano:view.
Nicole York:Yeah, that makes absolutely perfect sense. So
Nicole York:what we're looking at this morning, if you're just joining
Nicole York:us, is imposter syndrome, how we deal with that, as artists and
Nicole York:business people with this internal conflict week that
Nicole York:we're doing. And Matt's just talking about his experience
Nicole York:yesterday, the feelings that it left him with, and then how he
Nicole York:addressed those feelings from trying to be objective with
Nicole York:himself and asking himself the kinds of questions he would ask
Nicole York:somebody else. You know, does this one experience actually
Nicole York:represent your entire career? Well, no, it does not, in fact,
Nicole York:and then making sure that he's looking to somebody he trusts
Nicole York:who has had the same kind of experiences in the past, who
Nicole York:would understand and will tell him the truth. And I think it's
Nicole York:so important that you mentioned that, Matt, because it's really
Nicole York:easy for us to find people who will blow smoke up our ass, have
Nicole York:very happily. And often the things that they say to us in
Nicole York:those circumstances are the things that they would like to
Nicole York:believe about themselves, right? But we want people who will be
Nicole York:honest, even if that requires a little bit of tough love. I know
Nicole York:for me, there's rarely anything that will force me to grow as
Nicole York:much as somebody looking at me in the face. And just laying
Nicole York:everything out on the table. And I've had this happen several
Nicole York:times in my career where I was like, Ah, okay, I clearly needed
Nicole York:to hear that even though it felt like a punch in the chest. That
Nicole York:was important. I'll deal with those things have been really
Nicole York:important to me. And so having those people, those trusted
Nicole York:people, those friends that you trust, can I feel in your front
Nicole York:is a really big deal not only for dealing with imposter
Nicole York:syndrome, but for all of the different issues we face. It's
Nicole York:always so, so important to have people in your corner, who will
Nicole York:lovingly tell you the truth. Nicole, I want to give you a
Nicole York:chance to respond and then get to Becca and Kat. Yeah,
Nicole York:absolutely.
Matt Stagliano:So I just wanted to kind of follow up on that it
Matt Stagliano:is a conscious choice to lean on my, my human friends for that
Matt Stagliano:type of support, rather than go to the internet. And I know,
Matt Stagliano:it's ironic that I'm saying that on like, an Internet app, I get
Matt Stagliano:that. But if I were to go to Facebook and go into one of my
Matt Stagliano:groups and type something out, I'm never going to provide the
Matt Stagliano:right level of context, I'm going to probably get a lot more
Matt Stagliano:affirmations or it will take the conversation direction that I
Matt Stagliano:don't want it to go. And I don't need me personally, I don't need
Matt Stagliano:group affirmation, I don't need people telling me it's going to
Matt Stagliano:be okay, I need people to tell me, You fucked up, or you should
Matt Stagliano:have done this. And I don't feel like the internet is the place
Matt Stagliano:to get that, which is why I keep my circle extraordinarily small.
Matt Stagliano:And I keep my friends very, very close. And you know, with that,
Matt Stagliano:I just, there are time in place for internet forums to talk
Matt Stagliano:about things, then there are a time and place where you you
Matt Stagliano:need to have a rational human being in front of you or on the
Matt Stagliano:phone talking directly about your situation. That's the
Matt Stagliano:reason I choose to do it that way.
Nicole York:And I agree with you 100%. I think that's
Nicole York:brilliant. I do the same thing. And that's also, you know, we
Nicole York:mentioned, what do you look for in the people that you go to
Nicole York:when you have these kinds of questions. And that's one of the
Nicole York:things, you know, can I trust them to do that? And are they?
Nicole York:Are they going to show up for me that way? Which it's not
Nicole York:something that we can guarantee when we're talking to people
Nicole York:online? So I'm with you there. Cat or Becca? Do either of you
Nicole York:guys ever suffer with imposter syndrome? Or fight with imposter
Nicole York:syndrome? And how do you deal?
Cat Ford-Coates:I think I think I'm to a point where I can
Cat Ford-Coates:recognize imposter syndrome in myself relatively quickly. Like
Cat Ford-Coates:there are some days where you're just like, why the fuck am I
Cat Ford-Coates:even here, I can't accomplish this. This is I'm in way over my
Cat Ford-Coates:head, and suddenly somebody else is gonna notice, right. But it's
Cat Ford-Coates:interesting. I was recently at an event, it was a women's
Cat Ford-Coates:networking thing. And I'm in a room with like 200 Women in
Cat Ford-Coates:Business. And it's very evident to me that even the
Cat Ford-Coates:photographers at the event don't value photography the way that I
Cat Ford-Coates:do. And one of the things that I've really been leaning into
Cat Ford-Coates:over the last probably two years is developing my skills as an
Cat Ford-Coates:artist versus business. Like I think I've got a fairly good
Cat Ford-Coates:grasp on on business stuff and mindset and that kind of thing.
Cat Ford-Coates:And they had a marketplace at this event, where like, many of
Cat Ford-Coates:the women in business, were selling all of their stuff. And
Cat Ford-Coates:there was another artist there who is a painter. Now this woman
Cat Ford-Coates:had merch that was like so on brand for her super funky like
Cat Ford-Coates:lots just really cool stuff. And I'm looking around and I'm like
Cat Ford-Coates:interesting that I wasn't, like notified or invited to provide
Cat Ford-Coates:any kind of whatever for this marketplace. And I got to
Cat Ford-Coates:thinking and I was like, well all I would have his photo. So
Cat Ford-Coates:I'm just not gonna worry about it. And then I got to thinking,
Cat Ford-Coates:and I was like, Well, why can't I have things in a marketplace
Cat Ford-Coates:that people might want to purchase outside of? A photo
Cat Ford-Coates:shoots, right, like, because when we're sort of learning
Cat Ford-Coates:about all of the networking stuff, and being a vendor, it's
Cat Ford-Coates:like, how do we sell photoshoot sell photoshoot sell photo
Cat Ford-Coates:shoot. And I was like, what if I made a retail line that was in
Cat Ford-Coates:support of that art brand? And then I was like, Who the fuck?
Cat Ford-Coates:Are you kidding? Like, you're not developing a retail line
Cat Ford-Coates:like, but people don't want your fucking coffee mugs. And then I
Cat Ford-Coates:was like, Wait, what if I made art out of it? Oh, and so I
Cat Ford-Coates:start designing things. And I'm talking to like production line
Cat Ford-Coates:people and then I sat down yesterday after one of my calls
Cat Ford-Coates:and was like, I'm actually doing this. I'm developing a retail
Cat Ford-Coates:line. Okay. All right. And I'm like just following that flow
Cat Ford-Coates:and realizing like Like, that part of me is like, Who the fuck
Cat Ford-Coates:do you think you are, is just needs to take a seat. Like, she
Cat Ford-Coates:can just go sit over there in the corner, because obviously,
Cat Ford-Coates:like everything's showing up for me to do this. So I'm gonna ride
Cat Ford-Coates:the wave and see where it goes. Now it could be like a total
Cat Ford-Coates:fucking disaster and money suck, I don't know. But I'm going to
Cat Ford-Coates:give it a whirl and just be like, You know what? That part
Cat Ford-Coates:of me that's over here like cat just focus on photoshoots. Like,
Cat Ford-Coates:that's your business and accepting the part of me that is
Cat Ford-Coates:an artist that wants to make more than just photo and just
Cat Ford-Coates:sort of explore that space.
Nicole York:So it sounds like from what you're saying cat that
Nicole York:a big part of confronting those feelings of imposter syndrome is
Nicole York:actually doing the thing anyway. And being like, look, here's the
Nicole York:physical proof.
Cat Ford-Coates:Yeah, yeah, like, Okay. Now, when I talk
Cat Ford-Coates:about, like the business and the mindset piece, one of the things
Cat Ford-Coates:with mindset that I really try and hold true to for me, and
Cat Ford-Coates:this comes up with fear, whether it's imposter syndrome or
Cat Ford-Coates:otherwise, is recognizing it for what it is as just an emotion
Cat Ford-Coates:and saying, is this true? Yes, okay, go do the thing, or don't
Cat Ford-Coates:go to the thing. And then if it's false, because emotions are
Cat Ford-Coates:not reality, they are a construct in your being, right?
Cat Ford-Coates:It's not truth. If it's not true, that you just go and do
Cat Ford-Coates:the thing. Now, it could turn out to be a total fucking
Cat Ford-Coates:failure. But at the end of the day, like, I would much rather
Cat Ford-Coates:you know, try and fail than to not accomplish whatever and
Cat Ford-Coates:wonder, man, what would have happened if I had done X, Y, or
Cat Ford-Coates:Z.
Nicole York:I love that. I love that. I love that. And I think
Nicole York:you're absolutely right, that a huge and important part of how
Nicole York:we deal with this issue is being able to recognize that emotions
Nicole York:aren't truth. So let's say that one more time for the people and
Nicole York:back, emotions are not truth. They are a reaction, either to
Nicole York:environmental stimuli or your bosses or you Beloved, B, this
Nicole York:is. But just say, is it worth doing anyway? Like, is it true,
Nicole York:in spite of the emotions, and is it worth doing anyway, and
Nicole York:sometimes, there will be things up for you, that are worth
Nicole York:failing at. And when they are, it doesn't matter how you feel
Nicole York:about it. This matters. And it's can be really difficult to force
Nicole York:yourself to do something when you're having deep feelings of
Nicole York:fear. But that's the only time courage can exist. Courage
Nicole York:exists at literally no other time. There has to be fear to
Nicole York:overcome, for courage to be a thing. So keep that in mind. At
Nicole York:those times, when fear pops up, and tries to choke you, that's
Nicole York:the world telling you. Now it's time to be a hero. So something
Nicole York:important to remember. All right, so, so far we have when
Nicole York:dealing with feelings of imposter syndrome, taking a
Nicole York:little bit of time making sure we give ourselves a chance to
Nicole York:process those feelings. asking ourselves to look at a situation
Nicole York:objectively. Is this true? Is this just my feelings? Is it
Nicole York:worth doing anyway? And can I turn to people I trust to give
Nicole York:me true, honest feedback that will be meant for my good. So we
Nicole York:can talk about the process some of these emotions, and not all
Nicole York:of us will have those people close to us that we can trust.
Nicole York:If you don't try journaling. Try speaking out loud to yourself.
Nicole York:Anything to help take what's inside and get it outside of you
Nicole York:is going to be really, really helpful just to dealing with
Nicole York:what's going on. So, Becca, do you deal with feelings of
Nicole York:imposter syndrome? And when you do if you do, how do you handle
Nicole York:them?
Unknown:Sure, though, I think I've reached a good point for
Unknown:myself and being able to juggle, juggle, juggle those particular
Unknown:feelings. But yeah, as usual for me, team, empathy, Team
Unknown:compassion, and just remembering that other people also
Unknown:experienced that self doubt And, like, every everything about
Unknown:work and careers and humanity, and like society is all
Unknown:completely made up. And so I'm not really beholden to anything
Unknown:greater than myself, if that makes sense. And so like, no
Unknown:one's gonna find out that I'm a fraud, because I'm not a fraud.
Unknown:I'm authentically myself, and I'm capable of what I'm capable
Unknown:of just like anyone else is, and everyone else has started at a
Unknown:beginning to get to where they are now. And yeah, that's,
Unknown:that's my big scary approach to imposter syndrome. And it's
Unknown:worked pretty well.
Nicole York:So let's, let's explore that idea a little bit.
Nicole York:Because I think it's gonna be really helpful to people. This
Nicole York:reminder, that reality is a construct, like our experience
Nicole York:of reality. And then the, let's call it the corporate illusion
Nicole York:of reality. So what we do, as a group of people, is come up with
Nicole York:an idea about what reality looks like. And then we agree on it.
Nicole York:We go, yeah, that's, that's what my illusion looks like yours,
Nicole York:too. Yeah, yeah, our illusions look roughly like this. So we
Nicole York:will agree that this is real. And that is. What's in our, in
Nicole York:our own heads. I know this can sound like a really strange
Nicole York:concept. But the truth is your brain. Your brain is in a little
Nicole York:black box processing electrical information. And it is making up
Nicole York:ideas about what that electrical information means. This is soft,
Nicole York:this is hard, that is bright, this is green, that hurts, this
Nicole York:is pleasurable. It's constantly taking those signals and
Nicole York:interpreting them. So what you really have is you sitting on a
Nicole York:little chair, in a dark room with a VR headset on. And that
Nicole York:what that VR headset construct is what you believe to be true
Nicole York:about the world. And when enough of us have the same illusion,
Nicole York:reality, and we measure it, and we quantify it. And basically,
Nicole York:what Becca's saying here is that if it's all if it's all an
Nicole York:illusion, everybody's starting from the same place. Like who,
Nicole York:who else gets to tell you what the rules are, to who you get to
Nicole York:be, and how you can behave and what you have to believe about
Nicole York:yourself, and what success looks like and what imposter means and
Nicole York:all of these things, she's beholding to herself. She
Nicole York:doesn't have to live up to the rules of somebody else's
Nicole York:illusion or somebody else's VR headset. When you think about it
Nicole York:like that, there literally cannot be such a thing as an
Nicole York:imposter. Because here we all are, collectively dreaming. So I
Nicole York:hope that that makes sense. I know it's kind of a weird, a
Nicole York:weird thing to think about. And this is not like mystical
Nicole York:woowoo. This is just an analogy for what's actually physically
Nicole York:happening in your brain. And understanding that down at its
Nicole York:base level, really means exactly what she said that at the end of
Nicole York:the day mean to be an imposter? Who gets to define that? Why are
Nicole York:you being mean to yourself? My mom, my mom will often when I
Nicole York:when I get into these areas of struggle, she will tell me quit
Nicole York:being mean to my daughter. And I'm like, oh, man, you don't
Nicole York:realize that you're doing that you don't realize that what
Nicole York:you're doing is talking to yourself bullying yourself in a
Nicole York:way that you would never do to somebody else. Especially if all
Nicole York:of those things are just a construct anyway. What a stupid
Nicole York:thing to bully yourself over ideas that don't actually
Nicole York:physically exist in the world. I know that that goes down a crazy
Nicole York:tangent. So you'll have to forgive me for that one. I want
Nicole York:to give you guys time to respond to everything that has been said
Nicole York:this far. Before I share my personal way of dealing with
Nicole York:imposter syndrome. And then we ask our friends in the audience
Nicole York:if they are willing to share how they deal with that internal
Nicole York:conflict of imposters.
Matt Stagliano:Nicole I'm gonna ask Kat to hold me honest on
Matt Stagliano:this but Johnny Edward posted a meme kados Couple days ago, I
Matt Stagliano:think maybe last week where it said something along the lines.
Matt Stagliano:Don't worry because I don't have it in front of me was something
Matt Stagliano:along the lines of when you feel imposter syndrome, you've set
Matt Stagliano:the bar so high and you respect your art so much that you feel
Matt Stagliano:like you're not doing justice. Now, I don't know if that's the
Matt Stagliano:exact quote, but it hit me really hard is that this is
Matt Stagliano:coming from a place that you respect what you do so much, and
Matt Stagliano:you want to be so good at it, that you often bully yourself or
Matt Stagliano:beat yourself up about it. But it's held true to the respect
Matt Stagliano:for that art, and that you have high standards. And I found that
Matt Stagliano:relatively comforting, to be quite honest. And I was like,
Matt Stagliano:Yeah, you know what, I do like photography so much, that I
Matt Stagliano:don't think that I'm ever going to be as good as it as good at
Matt Stagliano:it as I could be. Because I love the art of it so much. I don't
Matt Stagliano:know if that's good or bad or destructive or not. But I just
Matt Stagliano:kind of dug the spin on it. It was a positive thing.
Nicole York:Yeah, I remember that meme. I remember thinking
Nicole York:the same thing like, Ooh, good way to think about it.
Cat Ford-Coates:Yeah, I was just, I don't think I saved
Cat Ford-Coates:that. But no, I remember what you were talking about. And
Cat Ford-Coates:understanding that you do respect the the thing, right?
Cat Ford-Coates:Whether it's art or something else, enough to feel like what
Cat Ford-Coates:you're able to execute doesn't meet that expectation. That that
Cat Ford-Coates:is a truth. Right? Like, that is the moment where you can be
Cat Ford-Coates:like, Okay, I'm not as great as I want to be yet. But it's, it's
Cat Ford-Coates:also giving you an opportunity to set the intention and go
Cat Ford-Coates:after being better. And developing that that sense of
Cat Ford-Coates:mastery to try and reach that bar. You know, when when I
Cat Ford-Coates:started in photography, like God, my work is garbage. And I
Cat Ford-Coates:was an imposter. Because I wanted it. But I knew that every
Cat Ford-Coates:time that I had the opportunity to practice, whether with
Cat Ford-Coates:clients or models or whatever, like that was an opportunity to
Cat Ford-Coates:try and get to a higher level in my skill set and my ability to
Cat Ford-Coates:execute something I was proud of, and something my clients
Cat Ford-Coates:would be proud of, too. And that's really like the best way
Cat Ford-Coates:to defeat the imposter side of things is like, Well, look, this
Cat Ford-Coates:is an opportunity for me to grow.
Nicole York:Yeah, I think that really comes back to our
Nicole York:discussion on what a growth mindset is right, we can either
Nicole York:look at a difficulty ahead as impossible, or an opportunity.
Nicole York:If we look at it as an opportunity, that changes
Nicole York:everything, because it changes what you believe yourself to be
Nicole York:capable of and long term. So I love both of those. Both of
Nicole York:those things, guys, I hope folks are paying attention. If you're
Nicole York:just joining us today, we're talking about imposter syndrome,
Nicole York:this internal conflict, and how we tackle it. We've had some
Nicole York:really fantastic advice so far, everything from looking at
Nicole York:things objectively, making sure we take time to feel our
Nicole York:feelings, and address those. But understand that those do not
Nicole York:represent reality. And so we need to look for the the
Nicole York:evidence and find out what the evidence says, We need to talk
Nicole York:to people and get their feedback. And these, hopefully
Nicole York:are people we know we trust, who will tell us the truth, for our
Nicole York:own good. And remember that much of what we believe to be true,
Nicole York:is in fact, just a construct that we've all agreed upon. And
Nicole York:we don't really have anybody to answer to but ourselves. And
Nicole York:that sometimes these feelings will arise from the deep respect
Nicole York:for what we do, and that we recognize that it takes a lot to
Nicole York:reach such a high bar. So keeping those things in mind, as
Nicole York:you look at dealing with imposter syndrome. I'll share a
Nicole York:little bit about how I do this. And then friends in the
Nicole York:audience, if you have ever tackled imposter syndrome, we'd
Nicole York:love to hear from you. How do you overcome it? How do you deal
Nicole York:with it? Go ahead and raise your hands and we'll pull you up. So
Nicole York:for me the way I deal with imposter syndrome is that I
Nicole York:don't and I'll explain what I mean by that. A big a big aspect
Nicole York:that separates imposter syndrome from just general anxiety about
Nicole York:a situation is the result has to be I am a fraud, right? It can't
Nicole York:be here's something I haven't done before. I might not be good
Nicole York:at it yet. It means I am a fraud and the only way I am a fraud is
Nicole York:because everybody Find out about it. So there's two aspects
Nicole York:there. There's the fact that people have to figure it out,
Nicole York:right? They need to find out. So there's a corporate aspect, the
Nicole York:group, or society, or just the other person is gonna know, I've
Nicole York:been faking it this whole time. And then the result is No, I am
Nicole York:a fraud. So those kind of two things have to be present. And
Nicole York:for me, well, hang on, let me backtrack a little bit. So those
Nicole York:two things have to be present. Which presupposes if the idea
Nicole York:that somebody is going to find out your fraud terrifies you,
Nicole York:that means you are deriving some level of yourself value from
Nicole York:being good at the thing, you fear, you're a fraud. And so
Nicole York:somewhere in there, a part a piece of your identity is built
Nicole York:around being good at this thing, or being a master of this thing.
Nicole York:Because if you were not, if you knew I just picked up a
Nicole York:watercolor brush for the first time. And somebody said, Man,
Nicole York:that painting is not very good. You wouldn't go God, I'm an
Nicole York:imposter. You would say, Yeah, this is my first one. Right? But
Nicole York:if who you believe yourself to be, and the value that you have
Nicole York:for yourself is somehow centered around being great at
Nicole York:watercolors. And somebody says, Man, that's not very good
Nicole York:watercolor painting. And your reaction is a fraud. And it
Nicole York:hurts. And I don't want people to find out the reason you don't
Nicole York:want them to find out is because being good at this thing is
Nicole York:important to your idea who you are. We've talked before about
Nicole York:the fact that we each build an ego for ourselves a construct
Nicole York:that is kind of a seat of our self value. And when something
Nicole York:challenges that identity, it psychologically causes pain. And
Nicole York:so we will go out of our way to avoid the pain that will be
Nicole York:caused, if such a thing happens. This is why imposter syndrome is
Nicole York:so painful, because it threatens to expose the fact that we build
Nicole York:our identity around a thing we don't necessarily believe to be
Nicole York:true.
Nicole York:Okay, all of that to say, I have been very intentional about
Nicole York:building my identity around being a learner. So if somebody
Nicole York:were to come up and say, I saw Nicole shoot her processes crap,
Nicole York:I don't know how she gets these photos, it's probably all luck.
Nicole York:This is not frightened me. Because I'm a learner. This is
Nicole York:an opportunity for me to learn a new thing. That doesn't mean I'm
Nicole York:necessarily going to give what that person says Credence. But
Nicole York:the idea of somebody saying she's not as good as she said,
Nicole York:she is does not scare me even a little bit, because it doesn't
Nicole York:threaten my identity. And that's where imposter syndrome becomes
Nicole York:so dangerous. It threatens your identity. And so, if you have
Nicole York:built who you are around being the best photographer in the
Nicole York:room, when somebody finds out, you're not as good as you think
Nicole York:you are, that imposter syndrome is going to show up and bite
Nicole York:your head off. But if you have built your identity around,
Nicole York:being kind, being generous, being somebody who's always
Nicole York:willing to learn and take criticism, if your identity is
Nicole York:based in those areas, imposter syndrome literally ceases to
Nicole York:exist, because it can't exist in that environment. How can you be
Nicole York:an imposter at something you believe you're constantly
Nicole York:learning and growing into. And this happens a lot of times when
Nicole York:photographers are creating tutorials for folks, they will
Nicole York:build the tutorial in such a way that you don't see them make
Nicole York:mistakes. You don't see what their lights in the wrong place.
Nicole York:Because they need to maintain the illusion that they don't
Nicole York:screw things up. Which is not true. No matter how good we are.
Nicole York:We don't get perfect light placement 100 out of 100 times.
Nicole York:Most of the time, we got to go fiddle with things a little bit.
Nicole York:So the way that I deal with imposter syndrome is that I
Nicole York:don't build my identity around being good, or being a master or
Nicole York:whatever of the thing. I build my identity around areas that
Nicole York:can't break. So that if somebody does show up and say she doesn't
Nicole York:even know what this is or what it means. I can be like, cool.
Nicole York:What does it mean? Instead of being like, oh my god, they just
Nicole York:expose the fact that I'm an imposter cuz I can't be not when
Nicole York:I built my worldview in that way, not only my worldview, but
Nicole York:who I believed myself to be. So that is the way that I deal with
Nicole York:imposter syndrome. So I want to give y'all a little bit of time
Nicole York:for feedback, and then want to start addressing friends in the
Nicole York:room, I noticed we have, oh, maybe my thing is not updating,
Nicole York:it's showing me that Jean and sissala have their hands raised.
Nicole York:So I want to make sure we grab you guys up. But before we hear
Nicole York:from you, Matt, Becca, cat want to give you guys a chance to
Nicole York:respond. And then we'd love to hear from Jean. And after that.
Matt Stagliano:No comments, I'm looking forward to seeing what a
Matt Stagliano:sisal and Jean have to say.
Cat Ford-Coates:Same. Also, I changed my profile picture. And
Cat Ford-Coates:it's so that I can look really strangely at Matt.
Nicole York:Thanks, Ken. All right. I love it. Okay, Jean,
Nicole York:let's hear from you. And then from CES.
Gene Sizemore:Well, you know, I just wanted to say that, I mean,
Gene Sizemore:I don't make mistakes at all. And I'm one of the best
Gene Sizemore:photographers out there. I mean, I just hang out here on the
Gene Sizemore:artist forge in case I can help y'all figure something out. I
Gene Sizemore:just, I thought that was a foregone conclusion. But
Unknown:well, obviously.
Gene Sizemore:You know, so I recently went through this, I
Gene Sizemore:have been really, really inspired by somebody. And I feel
Gene Sizemore:like I'm always calling her out. So I won't do that. But she's,
Gene Sizemore:you know, in this group in portrait photography, and I
Gene Sizemore:recently had a friend here from Columbia, and she wanted to do a
Gene Sizemore:photo shoot. And so I nervously started to think, Okay, what am
Gene Sizemore:I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?
Gene Sizemore:And there's this one particular image that I really love from
Gene Sizemore:this individual's work. And I sent the picture to her of
Gene Sizemore:herself. And I said, Hey, I'm going to try to replicate this.
Gene Sizemore:And immediately, she came back with an extremely encouraging
Gene Sizemore:response kind of excited, wanted me to keep her posted to kind of
Gene Sizemore:see what I did. And I got really good feedback when I attempted
Gene Sizemore:to do the same type of image. And I guess, I'd never thought
Gene Sizemore:about this. But as I'm listening to you talk today, it seems to
Gene Sizemore:me like I've always been, I mean, I probably come off as a
Gene Sizemore:bad boy. But you know, in my life, I've always asked for
Gene Sizemore:forgiveness instead of permission in life. But I feel
Gene Sizemore:like sometimes, especially when it's somebody that I respect so
Gene Sizemore:much that I prefer to get some sort of, I guess, approval to
Gene Sizemore:attempt to emulate somebody, because it makes me feel more
Gene Sizemore:comfortable doing that. And I've learned that no matter how hard
Gene Sizemore:I try, I mean, I, I gave it a good swing. And I'm really happy
Gene Sizemore:with what I came up with. But it's nothing at all like what
Gene Sizemore:she did. It's nowhere near as good in my opinion. But the
Gene Sizemore:person I photographed loved it, I was really happy with it,
Gene Sizemore:especially considering the fact I don't have a studio, I don't
Gene Sizemore:have all the the experience and the tools and all this kind of
Gene Sizemore:stuff. I I was really happy with it. And I just felt very
Gene Sizemore:comforted and very appreciative of the fact that this person
Gene Sizemore:supported me wanting to emulate her something that she did. And
Gene Sizemore:it occurs to me that there's two sides to the whole imposter
Gene Sizemore:thing. I mean, there's the artist who might feel like
Gene Sizemore:they're posturing someone. But then there's also the artist who
Gene Sizemore:people want to be who want to emulate. And I guess I just feel
Gene Sizemore:like because of the people that I've surrounded myself with, I
Gene Sizemore:guess virtually these days in my life, I feel very strongly about
Gene Sizemore:at whatever point I get to the point where someone ever wants
Gene Sizemore:to emulate me. I'm going to throw that person all the
Gene Sizemore:support and and love that I can because to me, that would be a
Gene Sizemore:huge honor. And I would love that and no matter what, you're
Gene Sizemore:always going to put your own positive spin on it. So I don't
Gene Sizemore:think there's anything wrong with trying to emulate work. So
Gene Sizemore:I guess, in my mind when we're talking about it posture
Gene Sizemore:syndrome. That's the version I'm thinking about it. I mean, I,
Gene Sizemore:every time I post a YouTube video, I feel like an imposter.
Gene Sizemore:But, but you know, when it comes to like copying someone's work
Gene Sizemore:or attempting to recreate something that you love that
Gene Sizemore:you've seen somebody else do, I do tend to ask for permission,
Gene Sizemore:or at least kind of seek that approval, I probably don't need
Gene Sizemore:to do that. But it makes me feel more free to create. And that
Gene Sizemore:experience that I had with this particular portrait was really
Gene Sizemore:fun and positive, because I wasn't worried that this person
Gene Sizemore:was going to judge me for trying to do something that she did. So
Gene Sizemore:I just that's kind of where I am with imposter syndrome.
Gene Sizemore:Definitely something I have had to deal with a lot as I
Gene Sizemore:transition into photography full time, I'm done.
Nicole York:Really interesting, I think Gene to, to look at
Nicole York:imposter syndrome from the perspective of trying to create
Nicole York:derivative works or, or similar styles or whatever. Because it's
Nicole York:certainly not something that I would have necessarily thought
Nicole York:of when it comes to imposter syndrome in general. And
Nicole York:definitely an interesting take, and something worth worth
Nicole York:thinking about, and how that applies, and how we each reach
Nicole York:our own levels of comfort, with the way that we approach our
Nicole York:work. So I'm definitely gonna be thinking about that one today.
Nicole York:This is a I would love to hear from you this morning as well.
Nicole York:Good morning,
Sissela:I'm gonna do this pretty quickly, because I have a
Sissela:client coming. So I'm living on the wild side here in 10
Sissela:minutes. Okay, so basically, the way I have a ton of imposter
Sissela:syndrome all the time, every day, in many different ways, in
Sissela:business, in my art, all the stuff. And one of the things
Sissela:that I try to do is something that I was taught both by my
Sissela:therapist, but also teachers from my past. And that is, what
Sissela:do you know to be true? Ask yourself the question. I know I
Sissela:talk a lot about talking with yourself, and people must think
Sissela:I'm mad at this point. But there's a really valid point in
Sissela:asking yourself questions and be curious. So I'm like, Okay, what
Sissela:do I know to be true, I can observe within myself that are
Sissela:know, based on my work, my credentials, all these wonderful
Sissela:things that I am a good photographer that I know to be
Sissela:true. And then I just kind of go on asking myself questions. Is
Sissela:it true that you are an imposter? just to simplify
Sissela:things like Nope, that is not true. It's not something that I
Sissela:can actively observe. First of all, it's something that is a
Sissela:story that I'm making up in my head about something, it is not
Sissela:the factual truth. And I'm a very emotional person. So going
Sissela:about these things in a very factual logical way, feels in
Sissela:the beginning, very counter intuitive. But it also is really
Sissela:good at curbing that emotion that a lot of artists have.
Sissela:Because let's face it, art is often the result of a lot of
Sissela:emotion. So what I try to do is go about it in a logical way and
Sissela:just kind of inquiry within myself. Is this true? What do I
Sissela:know to be true? That's basically it. And I'm gonna
Sissela:probably run in a moment sooner.
Nicole York:I love that. I know David talked about this. It's
Nicole York:been a couple months, maybe now, I guess. But he basically said
Nicole York:what you did, which is bringing the scientific method into your
Nicole York:thinking they're like, is this an observable phenomenon? No,
Nicole York:it's not. Which is, which is such a great thing to do. I
Nicole York:know. Sorry, guys. It is time for cars and leaf blowers. Okay,
Nicole York:I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and mute myself and give Erica just
Nicole York:thought.
Erika:Hey, I hope y'all can hear me I'm at my studio today
Erika:doing yard work good times, but pumped inside because I wanted
Erika:to first of all, thank Nicole for so eloquently, saying what I
Erika:feel I where I have placed my identity, which is learning. I,
Erika:you know, I certainly have done my best to try not to place my
Erika:identity and what other people think of me or my work, because
Erika:they've not earned that right, you know, and I'm not gonna give
Erika:them that power. Even. Even my husband sometimes doesn't like
Erika:my work, and I'm like, well, that's okay. Secondly, I think
Erika:it's important to me not to be the best photographer or be the
Erika:number one or you know, whatever. It's to be the best I
Erika:can be. And I know that that will never stop. So, like you
Erika:said, if I'm placing my identity and learning, you know, and
Erika:somebody says, you're not that good. I'm like, I'm still
Erika:learning I'm still, you know, and I hope I never get to that
Erika:point where I feel like I have arrived because that means I've
Erika:lost my purpose. And so, again, I enjoy the process, and I
Erika:placed my identity in learning and I love the way you put that.
Nicole York:Ooh, Erica, what you just said right there. I
Nicole York:think it's so important. I'm gonna repeat it. They don't get
Nicole York:a chance to speak on your identity because they don't have
Nicole York:that right.
Erika:Like, Amen.
Nicole York:Yes. So, so, so good. Why do we do that to
Nicole York:ourselves? Give somebody else, somebody who hasn't earned it.
Nicole York:Somebody who doesn't have our best interests at heart,
Nicole York:somebody we don't trust somebody, etc, etc. Even even
Nicole York:when they are people we do. Why do we give them the right to
Nicole York:speak into our identity? Oh, I'm gonna be thinking about that one
Nicole York:all day. I love it so much. Okay, we're nearing the end of
Nicole York:the hour. So it's time for final thoughts. I will come in and
Nicole York:help close things down towards the end. But it's been a really
Nicole York:fantastic conversation today full of so much good advice and
Nicole York:and vulnerable personal experiences, which are so
Nicole York:appreciated. It's time for final thoughts. Go
Gene Sizemore:Nicole, I'm in posturing cat by looking at that
Gene Sizemore:now.
Matt Stagliano:This is getting weird. So weird. I think
Nicole York:toward Matt cat is looking at Matt jeans pretending
Nicole York:to look at Matt. Match.
Matt Stagliano:Funny thing, is this a little change tomorrow?
Matt Stagliano:And you'll have to change your your pictures? Again. I think
Matt Stagliano:you know, the the final thought that I have is, it's clear that
Matt Stagliano:we're all faced with this from one time to another doesn't mean
Matt Stagliano:we have to dwell on it. But I love what Cisco was talking
Matt Stagliano:about is is it true and 99.99% of the time it's not true. So
Matt Stagliano:just kind of be gentle with yourself and keep reminding
Matt Stagliano:yourself that it's the this is going to sound like a hallmark
Matt Stagliano:thing. But it's it's the journey that you're on and look back
Matt Stagliano:every now and again and you'll see how far you've actually come
Matt Stagliano:you're not an imposter.
Bekka Bjorke:One little tidbit that I've held on to that I have
Bekka Bjorke:to credit to photographer, Laura Sheridan, is when you do receive
Bekka Bjorke:that external criticism. So like Nicole and Erica Sue, I found
Bekka Bjorke:that very interesting that you guys talk about, like, you know
Bekka Bjorke:how how you personally respond to people's judgement, or you
Bekka Bjorke:know, if they are considering you an imposter or not. But
Bekka Bjorke:anyway, so when you get criticism, all you have to say,
Bekka Bjorke:whether that is you know, actually to the person or to
Bekka Bjorke:yourself is just okay. That's it. That's the end of that
Bekka Bjorke:conversation, and then you continue doing what you're
Bekka Bjorke:doing. And I just felt like that was so incredibly powerful. Like
Bekka Bjorke:that's it. You don't have to stew on it. You don't have to
Bekka Bjorke:make it an argument with someone you know whether or not you are
Bekka Bjorke:valid, or what you do is valid just okay. That's it. I love it.
Nicole York:I love it, guys. All right. Sorry, if you happen
Nicole York:to hear the dishes clinking my children apparently think that
Nicole York:the entire house is a buffet, and they can leave their plates
Nicole York:and their cups and their glasses just anywhere they want. So
Nicole York:busboy mom is here to save the day. All right. So imposter
Nicole York:syndrome, like Matt said, something that every artist is
Nicole York:going to come up against at some point, it doesn't mean that this
Nicole York:is a psychological issue we're going to deal with and
Nicole York:everything for the rest of our lives, there's certainly going
Nicole York:to be certain areas where this thing pops up. And that little
Nicole York:voice inside your head says, oh, everybody's gonna find out that
Nicole York:you're really not the thing. You're really not a great
Nicole York:photographer, you're not a great business person, you've been
Nicole York:lying the whole time. And it's important to remember where that
Nicole York:comes from. Right? We have a psychological imperative to
Nicole York:protect our identity, because that's the seat of who we are.
Nicole York:Which means our brain wants to keep us inside of our comfort
Nicole York:zone. It doesn't want us to take risks. And when we take the
Nicole York:risks are the times when we are most likely to expose ourselves.
Sissela:If you
Nicole York:only ever do The one thing that you're
Nicole York:comfortable with the chances you'll be exposed as a fraud,
Nicole York:pretty slim. But as soon as you start taking chances, you put
Nicole York:yourself out there, you hang up your sign you put in for an
Nicole York:award, you compete in the competition, you have a client
Nicole York:who is a high profile client, all the sudden, the possibility
Nicole York:that you may be exposed as a fraud as an imposter goes up
Nicole York:exponentially. But if we take the time to ask ourselves, Is it
Nicole York:true? Look at it objectively, allow ourselves to feel those
Nicole York:feelings, it is okay to feel those feelings. But remind
Nicole York:ourselves that feelings are not reality. We have proof that will
Nicole York:show us otherwise. We talk to people we trust who have our
Nicole York:best interests at heart. And who can tell us? Look, you're making
Nicole York:shit up, stop bullying my friend, stop bullying my
Nicole York:daughter. And also when we really take the time to consider
Nicole York:how are we building our identity. And have we
Nicole York:constructed our view of ourselves in such a way that it
Nicole York:must be? True in order for us to be a worthwhile human, I must be
Nicole York:the greatest photographer in my town, I must never make mistakes
Nicole York:or people will know. Man, we're constructing our identity in a
Nicole York:dangerous place. Because it will fail eventually, at some point,
Nicole York:we are going to fail. And then all of the sudden, even if
Nicole York:nobody else knows it, but us. We have just reinforced the thing
Nicole York:we fear most about ourselves to ourselves, ah ha that client,
Nicole York:that difficult client finally showed up. And here's the proof,
Nicole York:I've been expecting to find all along that I really am an
Nicole York:imposter. And all the sudden, now we've got the proofs in the
Nicole York:opposite direction, the thing we didn't want to be true, heaven
Nicole York:forbid. So we have to cut it off. before we ever get to that
Nicole York:point, we need to understand where our identity is being
Nicole York:built, we need to ask ourselves, like Erica mentioned, who gets
Nicole York:the right to speak into our lives that way who gets the
Nicole York:right to speak to our identity? And where is that identity being
Nicole York:built. And if it is in an anti fragile place, then you can't be
Nicole York:hurt by being exposed. Because what are you what is being
Nicole York:exposed, that you're constantly becoming a better version of the
Nicole York:person that you are, that you're constantly aiming to grow and
Nicole York:learn that your goal is to be of service to people or to help
Nicole York:people, you can't knock anybody down in those areas. That can't
Nicole York:You can't be exposed. You can't be an imposter learner, or an
Nicole York:imposter giver, or an imposter service person. So just a lot of
Nicole York:things to think about when it comes to how do we deal with
Nicole York:these feelings. Try this stuff, give it a go. Find out which
Nicole York:techniques are going to work best for you. Journaling,
Nicole York:talking to folks. giving yourself the time to feel those
Nicole York:feelings. Just give all that stuff a try when those feelings
Nicole York:pop up, find out what works. And if none of this stuff resonates
Nicole York:with you. As I've said before,
Nicole York:maybe you don't need it. Maybe you're not at a place in your
Nicole York:life or your career, when this is relevant to you. And if not,
Nicole York:that is friggin awesome. If you ever happen to come to that
Nicole York:place, try to remember these things. And if you've got
Nicole York:something else, a different way that you deal with imposter
Nicole York:syndrome or these feelings, I really hope you'll share it in
Nicole York:the Facebook group. I hope you'll go and be a light and
Nicole York:provide advice for other people who deal with these issues. That
Nicole York:can be really incredibly difficult. Shine a light
Nicole York:backwards on your path a little bit so they can see where you
Nicole York:came from. And maybe you walk in your footsteps to a place where
Nicole York:they won't have to deal with this as much anymore. All right,
Nicole York:y'all. Fantastic conversation today. Thank you to everybody
Nicole York:who participated in it and shared your experiences and what
Nicole York:it's like for you to deal with imposter syndrome and the steps
Nicole York:that you take to help get past and through it. Hopefully it was
Nicole York:helpful. Tomorrow we're going to be talking about fear of
Nicole York:success. So I hope this low we'll be able to be here with us
Nicole York:for that one because I know it was a particular thing that she
Nicole York:mentioned we're going to talk about that tried to be
Nicole York:constructed a little bit See if we can get to the bottom of
Nicole York:where that comes from and figure out how we can deal with it so
Nicole York:that we don't hold ourselves back from the things that we
Nicole York:really want. We'll continue talking about internal conflict
Nicole York:for the rest of this week, both here and in the Facebook group.
Nicole York:Hope you guys will join us right in early tomorrow morning at 7am
Nicole York:Mountain Standard Time that it's 6am for the West Coast and 9am
Nicole York:for the East Coast. In the meantime, have a fantastic day.
Nicole York:Go make something amazing, and we'll see you tomorrow.
Matt Stagliano:Thanks again for listening to this live clubhouse
Matt Stagliano:discussion moderated by all of us at the artist Forge. We hope
Matt Stagliano:you found the information useful and then it helps you gain a
Matt Stagliano:little bit of insight as to how you work on your craft. For more
Matt Stagliano:episodes, please join us each weekday on clubhouse or visit
Matt Stagliano:the artists forge.com and go make something incredible
